I could make wine with my vomit
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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