He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize