I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize