I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
