We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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