how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
