Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pooping to opera.
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