Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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