I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
