I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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