I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
