idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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