just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
