I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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