The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
