Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
