We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
