Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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