I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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