you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
