I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
