how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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