why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
