so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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