Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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