Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize