So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
