Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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