tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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