A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
