you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
