i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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