I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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