Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
