do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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