Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
