if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
3pm strippers are depressing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
