I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
