I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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