the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize