I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
