im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
