True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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