Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize