C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Girls should come with a carfax report
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
