I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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