the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
