if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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