You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
