Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize