My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
