i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
