I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
