Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
