What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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