I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
