You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize