I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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