Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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