your room smells of hookers.
And success
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
