slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
