It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
