If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
